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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dread_ex's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 26th, 2015
9:50 pm
This cold is kicking my a SS
I haven't been able to do much of anything besides feed the cats and change pjs.
I went to the bank and to the grocery store. I had planned to run other errands but I was too tired. My appetite is still there. Throat is sore. Thank God for tea and honey.
Monday, December 1st, 2014
11:35 am

So my new coworker is a Holocaust denier. I have never seen such wilful ignorance up close and in my face.  He is also an antivaxer and believes Ferguson is a "False flag".
Once his training is done, I won't have to work with him again.
I am gobsmacked by this.

Monday, November 10th, 2014
10:24 pm
Mood

I feel...normal. No depression.  No euphoria.  Just normal. Its nice.

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014
2:30 am
Mood
This is kinda strange. I feel good. Upbeat.  I haven't had the dark thoughts over the weekend.  I don't know if I am still riding the high from.Sara and Justin's wedding and have good long talks with a couple of close friends but I will take it. I won't question it. I will just accept it and ride the wave.
Thursday, October 2nd, 2014
3:01 am

I have had suicidal thoughts in the past but never as obsessive as they are now. I know it takes a couple of weeks for the medication increase to take full effect.  But jeeze it's  never been as obsessive as this.
I take the meds, see the therapist, follow what the professionals tell me what to do. It just isn't working. And instead of being afraid.  I just don't care and that's the problem.

Friday, September 26th, 2014
9:32 pm

I am still here. Still not sure if it's a good thing. I had my meds upped, getting therapy and trying to connect with people. Still don't want to be.

Thursday, September 18th, 2014
7:47 pm

To sleep...perchance to dream.
So damn seductive.

Monday, September 15th, 2014
1:32 am

I am still very tired.  I am still sleeping 12-15 hours/day. I am tired but it's easier to stay wrapped in blankets than deal with life.
I had a moment of clarity last week. I realized even if I did manage to make my suicide look like an accident,  no one would believe it. So I feel trapped now. I am running.options over in my mind but no clear ideas.
And on it goes.

Thursday, September 11th, 2014
5:38 am

Still here.  Nor entirely happy about that.

Sunday, September 7th, 2014
4:22 am

If life is just a ride then I can get off of it any time I choose

Friday, September 5th, 2014
12:50 am

I keep doing the same stupid Shit over and over. I blew off my appointment with Jennifer.  I slept all day instead. I was late to work. I blamed it on the weather. it never gets better. It only gets worse.

Thursday, September 4th, 2014
12:50 am

I can go days, even weeks without having more interactions then the updates on clients at shift change. On days I work I sleep between 12-14 hours. On my days off I will stay in bed all 24 except for bathroom breaks.
I wish I could find away around my promises.

Friday, August 8th, 2014
10:20 am
Vacation,


This vacation to The World of HarrtvPotter has started off on a dark note. I fell down the stairs at my sisters place, lost a contact on the plane plus the weird eye disease I have been dealing with.
Well at least I'm here.

Thursday, July 10th, 2014
5:14 pm

Science has yet to create a scale to measure how little fucks I give about this.

Sunday, May 25th, 2014
6:03 pm

One day the sun will shine again
Today is not that day

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
2:10 pm

I am all up in my feelings



Current Mood: sad
Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
3:20 pm

Last night I soloed at my facility. It was a bit hectic but I was able to keep up. Tonight I go back.

Friday, November 8th, 2013
12:49 pm
One Week

I was fired one week ago and I am doing fine. The world didn't end, I have another job which I like with a good company.
I am in a good place.

Friday, November 1st, 2013
6:02 pm

Not sure how I feel about the whole situation. 
Frustrated yep. Angry check. I also feel a bit numb. I knew it was coming and I have a back up so I will be okay.
for some reason my mom thinks I'm working with elderly women .

2:59 pm
Job

I was fired today.  After Tuesday night I knew it was coming. I have reviewed inadequate training. I had a supervisor whose counseling technique wad basically." you suck. get better" . who constantly changed het expectations of how I did my job. HR was there so once Mandy started speaking I just ignored her and spoke to HR. I refused to sign anything. I knew nothing I would say would change anything. interrupted the HR person when she start, "I can tell you're upset..."
"No. I'm not upset. I'm trying to tell you that you provide inadequate training for your staff but you don't care"
Frustrating.  I will miss the children.
At least I have my job at PLS and that one has the possibility of advancement.

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